"Comments on Comments"

Coming back to this writing thing after so long is tough. I really need to sit down and finish some of my draft posts by taking a few minutes whenever I come home from work to pound out a post, in the quiet time before my roommate comes home and before I end up playing some game or watching TV or going out.

But look at the spam that comes through on the comment system. Bummer. I hate spam and advertising. Cheapens this place. I don't get so many comments anyway that I really need one.

But it would be interesting to hear from real people.

"Poetry Tiles"


When I moved in with my current roommate, I was delighted to find there was a set of those poetry magnetic tiles on the fridge. I love those things. However, I neglected to ever change any of the previous saying into something my own. Finally, at the last mini party that was at my place, a couple of my friends took it upon themselves to play with the tiles and so I did as well. I had always wanted to make an entire post with the tiles and show it on this blog even before i moved in here. So here you go, here's my first attempt.

I also took a picture of some of the old ones oup there and some of what my friends did. However, I scavenged words from theirs to make the above one.

"Love is a four letter word that equals Work"

Well more accurately, I suppose Dating = Work, but that doesn't make for as good of a headline. I have to congratulate my friend T for finally finding someone for a long term relationship. While it's no secret I haven't exactly had a full dating life, most of that is my fault. I'm not out there actively trying to meet someone unlike T.

From speed dating to online personals to a few singles get-togethers, T put in tons of time to find someone and eventually, it worked out (at least it has appeared to for several months). Indeed, another friend of mine has been perusing personals now for quite awhile and has been going out on lots of dates trying to find a good girlfriend (preferably non-psycho this time) and may have one finally.

They put in the work and have reaped the rewards while this grasshopper is just fiddling away. I suppose I just hoped I'd randomly meet someone or a friend of a friend would magically appear and the meeting would be perfect.

Anyway, everyone once in a blue moon, I get the urge and I look at personals online. Indeed, my good friend Kt wants to start a web site called DateMyFriendCam and take profiles from women and check them for suitability for me. She thinks of it as her project for the year. Cool, so I get to be someone's public service project.

But anyway, for the last week or so, I have been relooking at some personal boards and such, which isn't new to me. My last dating interest was from a personal board and indeed I only posted a profile on a whim and wasn't expecting much. But what is new to me is how low their matches for me were. Doing a local area search, the best match was in the 30%. So on a whim, I did a world wide search and the best match was in the 80%.

I guess this just confirms I'm living in the wrong area. F-U red state Texas!

So, wanting to double-check the matching algorithm, I looked at many of the profiles it didn't select and the few it did select for me. I was disappointed that no one so far seemed that interesting. Yet.

So in the meantime, if you are a single female seeking a geeky guy, please submit your profile to the email address above. I'll make sure my friend Kt inspects it very well. Provide references.

"Life Support"

Houston is a steamy hot city with several nicknames. While I'm sure residents have a few choice names that I couldn't print in a family newspaper, "Bayou City" and "The most air conditioned city in the world" are a couple that spring up often. The air conditioner in my car is dying and thus my life support for living in this hostile environment of concrete and steel is dying as well.

My roommate and I have had lots of air conditioning trouble this year (oh yeah, I have a roommate. Back when I was last writing regularly to semi-regularly I didn't have one). The two units for the apartment have needed servicing several times plus my car has needed it several times as well.

In general, it seems like this year is hotter but without researching temperatures, I'm not sure. I really do believe what has changed is my weight. I really believe that is the main culprit for me feeling hotter and I wonder if I am running the AC too much.

So here is my new vow to lose weight. I often overeat, but I will increase my level of exercise. I am working on the overeating and indeed what I eat as well. I've said it before and indeed have lost some weight before, but you know, I'm getting rather fed up with myself this time around. I am cutting out most alcohol as well except for special occassions.

So here's to a future slimmer me. Sorry for the mundane post, but I wanted to fix a date and time in my mind to compare against.

"Little Life Amplifiers"

Over this 4th of July holiday weekend, one of my friends, B had his first child. Well more accurately, he and his wife had their first child, a son. Everything went swimmingly (pun intended because it was a waterbirth, all-natural with no epidural and drugs and such). Mother and son (and father) are home and what once was a couple is now a family.

Aside from myself, one of the stars of this blog is my friend, S. Even though I don't ever see him enough, he is in many ways my confidente and foil, and I bounce many ideas and mutations of my personal philosophies off of him. Today, he referred to childen as "little life amplifiers", without any real explanation or expansion of the statement.

Never one to let a good turn of phrase lie still, I couldn't help but think upon it and he is quite right. Nuance and subtlty are not tools of the young child. The highs and lows are apparent and the scale of everything seems so much larger than...well Life. Days are magnified. I think time flies so fast now that some days barely register. However, children have more adventures in the span of an afternoon, than most of us have all week (and of course, they want to tell you all about it when you get home from work). It's all about the scales upon which we operate.

Scientists have long envisioned the space-time fabric as a smooth rubber sheet, but when we get down to scales of the very small, under what is called the Planck length (symbolized by an h with a slash through its stem), space becomes frothy and there is details galore. There's a small patch of dirt and grass I cross quite often when I carry the trash bins to the street. Rarely do I give it any mind except after a rain and then the only mind is to side step its muddy realm. As a child, I'd have my nose down low, watching the bugs crawl through the spaces in between the grass, or playing with my Hot Wheels toy cars in the dirt. Detail, wonderment, and excitement. These are the tools of young child. I think some of us need to work on that scale again.

Eyes of a child, indeed. More like a magnifying glass.

"The Blue Marble"



As a child, the wonder and excitement of space and space travel was one of my intellectual and emotional highlights. I read everything about astronomy and stars and planets I could get my hands on. I wanted to be an astronaut so bad, even though I got glasses in the second grade. My favorite movie for many years was Space Camp (for some reason I'm getting a feeling that I've mentioned this before.)

Living in the city, I never did get to see stars all that often, but every once in awhile, there would be a drive in the countryside surrounding my hometown. Out there, you could see a myriad stars all twinkling above me. I truely am saddened by the many thousands and millions of children who live in urban areas so filled with light pollution that man's excesses wipe out the sheer beauty and wonderment of the night sky. Once, I had the pleasure of taking a date out past the light pollution of Houston (a considerable distance) and just stopping the car somewhere in the middle of some backroad turnoff, sitting on the hood of my car, talking and watching a meteor shower.

As a kid, I was drawn toward space from a highly scientific angle but also from an excitement of the unknown. Years later, my draw is more emotional and thoughtful. I cannot help but see a picture like the above and not think of the connectiveness we all share. One small shining globe in the vastness of space containing all of us. Spaceship Earth. I cannot contemplate the twinkling stars without wondering who else is out there. When I view the stars, I am humbled.

Isn't it beautiful? I have seen many photos of the Earth from space but this is one of the most beautiful. As tumultuous our world seems, I am filled with a bit of peace and serenity gazing upon such images. When I really stop to contemplate it, I almost get a tear, I get so emotionally worked up. Love, hate, hope, dispair, friends, enemies, laughter, sadness...everything about us captured.

In one shining picture.
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The above picture is a thumbnail taken from a NASA archive entitled "A Blue Marble". Many of the images are quite large but I believe few people would be disappointed. Please click on the image for a larger size to understand more of what I see but even then it is still not as immense and breathtaking as the one here.

"The Green-eyed Monster"

I have a couple of friends in Pennsylvania/New Jersey who I met through a couple of other friends. Mostly, they all met via video games and have cultivated a friendship over the years. Indeed, they've come down to Houston to visit a couple of times, and now they are are starting to become some closer friends of mine. You'd think I'd be over it by now, but there is still something weird to me in having deep friendships with people I only know over the Internet. I think part of me still resists or is just desirous of knowing the actual person. Indeed, I was a bit freaked out when I was asked to be in the wedding of the two of them (no date as of yet) because, I didn't think we were that close of friends. My friend R asked me to be an usher in his wedding awhile back which surprised me as well; I didn't think I was that close of a friend to him either. Perhaps, it is a condition of my own view of self-worth.

Anyway, my friend J (I have too many friends named J as well) will be spending two weeks of every month here in Houston and his fiance K is jealous of the time he gets to spend with us while she has to wait until they are able to move down here. While I am sure she doesn't have it very bad, jealousy is an evil beast. While some may claim that jealousy provides an impetus to achieve the objects of desire, it rarely is that productive. Typically, the objects of desire are unobtainable, providing the twisting of want into jealousy.

When you feel this happening, it is wise to take a step back and analyze what it is really happening. Afflicted with jealousy as of late (see previous post), I realized some of my lashing out was because of jealousy. Thankfully, I was able to apologize without giving away too much of the reasons for my lashing out.

I'm working on killing the green-eyed monster within me, but it is a wiley beast.

"Seeking a Reset Button"

Writing these days takes alot of effort to get over the hump even though, it's just a url click away. Surprisingly, even though I'm on my home computer an awful bunch, I'm playing a computer game with friends. As soon as I am done with playing the game, I'm off the computer with extreme prejudice.

So what's been keeping my time? Quite frankly, things are a huge mess. I'm hating work and friends have been mad at other friends for stupid stuff. Nerves have been rubbed raw and friends are not talking to friends. In the midst of this, our annual beach party weekend occurred and I had hoped all controversy would have died down. Peaceful waves, soothing breezes, calming whatnots. Thankfully, for the most part it did (some residual griping and bitching remained and still remains I think), however, I walked away from the beach party in even more of a funk.

It was a gorgeous beach house, clearly the best of the 3 years we have been going to the beach. There was even enough bed space for most everyone to made it (several people dropped out or didn't attend). The furnishings were extra nice (I've seen the furniture at the store and remember how expensive they were) and there were three bathrooms, an extra large kitchen area, a huge dining room, and an amazing deck with a second story (well third story since the house is on stilts) mini deck from which we flew kites. We had a big bon fire on the beach one night where we got to circle round and drink and talk. We swam at night and got to see some small bioluminescent spots in the water like last year. So in the midst of this how I could I be miserable?

I've often wrestled with how much personal info I should put on this website since it is so easy for people to find if they wanted to. I should have picked a different name to host it under. Indeed, a long-lost friend from my youth has discovered it and a an old Internet flame has discovered it as well so my friends should have no trouble finding it either should they go looking. Part of me says I should not say what is bothering me so, yet I feel like I have to tell someone but most of the people I know are too close to the problem. Looking at my website traffic, I had to see if anyone from my area was looking at the site so hopefully none of my friends are.

At the beach party, I fully realized just how crazily infatuated with one of my friends I am. It's a feeling that has been building for awhile so I don't think it's going to go away anytime soon. The funny thing about love and crushes is it is almost clique to say "but this time it feels different." Quite frankly, I think everytime it feels different, but you know, it really feels different than the other crushes/infatuations I've had. Maybe it's just enough time passes between each one that I forget what it feels like?

My buddy S tells me to just tell her while my buddy T tells me not to. Part of me does want to follow S's advice, even knowing that it would forever change our friendship. If she was single, I might but alas, that is not the case. Still, I entertain the idea at times : would she keep it to herself and not mention it to her significant other who is also a friend of mine? How would it change our friendship?

Well that's probably all I should write about it. If I write anymore, it will become plain who that person is and I don't need the complication of having people within my inner circle knowing who she is should any of them stumble across this page. She is a really good friend to me and I want to risk nothing to change that fact.

Still, it was a pretty sunrise...

"Headaches"

It is the world's most popular drug. More than 90% of Americans use and abuse it. Rituals for its consumption about through the world. National Geographic recently devoted a cover level article to it.

And I'm trying to cut back.

Of course, I'm talking about caffeine. I used to be a huge consumer of this bitter alkaloid. Ideally I should quit it entirely. Since I hate drinking coffee, I get my caffeine via sodas which have increased my weight tremendously. At one point when I quit sodas entirely, I lost 15 pounds in one month and I don't think it was all water weight.

Plus, I have bad sleeping habits and I need to get more rested and while I no longer get a rush of peppiness when I drink caffeine, I do believe it is mucking up my sleep cycle.

Diet sodas are rather bletch as well. However, Diet Coke just came out with a new version sweetened with Splenda vs the old Nutrasweet that is surprisingly pleasant. Of course, we'll probably find out in 10 years that Splenda harms your system in some dangerously way that will be just vague enough there is room for lots of interpretation of the data.

No real deep thoughts lately. Just chafing under the rule of my Dark Master, cola.

"Roast Beef on Wheat with Malaise"
I've had a couple of postings and updates lolling around in my head for awhile now. Saved as drafts for now, I keep looking at them and rewording phrases and ideas and nothing just seems to work. Something is blocking my attempts to get my words down.

Many Wednesday nights, several of my friends and I go to one of our favorite bars (Richmond Arms) to have a few beers (or other drinks as the case may be). It's a nice bar, more of a pub really, with great fish and chips and cottage pie and several of our favorite beers. It's always nice being able to look forward to a mid-week get-together with friends, regardless of how busy the weekends get. Many of us are kinda homebodies during the week so if we missed a weekend due to being out of town or concerts or whatnot, we might not see our friends as often as we like without Wednesday night bar night.

One of the big draws for a few of our friends to Richmond Arms isn't just the fish and chips, but the Trivia Night. A guy named George at the bar asks a question and you write down the answer (as a team effort). One thing I have learned is to not second guess your answers too much because quite often we have the right answer but we convince ourselves to change it.

Right now, these draft posts are kinda like those second guesses. Ideally, I should just delete those posts now as they aren't really flowing and no longer seem quite from the heart, yet I still have to say some of those things. One thing about most of the posts in here is that they represent single pure thoughts or streams of conciousness. Sure there are some posts I have agonized over and re-edited or reorganized, but in general, I think the more heartfelt and immediate ones work best.

So what else is going on?

Well, I have been extremely depressed lately. I generally don't talk about what's bothering me anymore with anyone, but the other day I just unloaded a bit on my friend, hrm...I think I can call her K (too many friends of mine begin with K) and I told her some things I have never told anyone before. I would have preferred to talk face to face rather than over instant messenger but hey, we were both at work. Strangely enough, I opened up a bit to my roommate as well. Many of the things I am down about, he has some similar issues.

I should be happier about things as we are planning our yearly 3-day beach party which should be fun as a nice mini-vacation.

Lots of things on my mind lately.

"New Allies"

This is a picture of when I went to Russia this last November. Beautiful but cold! This is a picture of St. Basil's Cathedral, probably one of the most iconic things about Russia and Moscow in particular, and is located on one end of Red Square. There in the background to the left, you can see a grey multi-story building. This is the Hotel Rossiya (Hotel Russia). When it was build I believe it was the largest hotel in the world, now I think it is just the biggest in Europe. It has theaters and restaurants and gambling inside. Large conventions are also held here as it is so close to the Kremlin and the centers of power. We stayed here and indeed our rooms were on the face you can see so at night, the cathedral was all lit up. Very pretty and so close to the Kremlin. We felt like diplomats and wondered if our rooms were bugged.

New allies, indeed, but old habits die hard.

"Clear!"

Well ever since trying to jump start this blog, I have been beset by a distinct lack of time to write. Work has been very busy as well as so much of my free time being involved in the virtual world that is World of Warcraft. Damn computer games.

So what have I been up to for the last few years? In many ways, much of the same. I've gone out with friends, had some beers, played some computer games, read some books, worked, etc, etc. All in all, the same normal drudgery that you all experience. There haven't been any major upheavals nor any great successes.

All of it will eventually come out as I write, but my life is distinctly mellow for the moment. I'm no longer going out to some concert every weekend like I once was. My circle of friends is slowing down as well and many of them are getting married and on the process of having children (which really bums me out but more on that later). I'm still chronically single, but I haven't been particularly depressed about things (until recently more on that later). I've gained more weight which I really need to work on. I was in the hospital for a week due to a massive leg infection and then on home IVs for two more weeks. Needless to say, I hate daytime TV. I wish I had been blogging again back then.

Personally, I feel I am at some sort of crossroads. I'm not sure what though. Maybe that just comes at being 29?

Again, just a test

This is merely a test for comments.

"The Sound of Hell"

Today was a blissful morning. I love waking up to a thundering rainstorm, especially after a bit of a hangover. Ugh. I fell back into a half-sleep, unable to rouse myself into action. Finally, after drifting back into dreamland (the dreams I get after a half-awake state are some of the most vivid and cool, unfortunately, the shortest as an alarm usually wakes me up all too soon), I am attacked by the most hideous ear-splitting sound. After a few moments of shock, panic, and wild-eyed uncomprehension, I realized what was causing the sound : my UPS for my computer. I don't typically leave my machine on overnight as the sounds of the fans next to my bed annoys the crap out of me, so the UPS had alot of battery life for the few things running on it. When the thunderstorm cut the power to the apartment, the UPS cheerfully supplied power until the end and then vocally expressed its dissent. Time to wake up anyway. At least showers don't need power to run.

"Valentines Day 2005"

Well...the highlight of today was writing an email to the now married girl I used to have a crush on back in high school who recently tracked me down to learn whatever happened to me.

All in all...definately one of the better Valentine's Days I've ever had.

It's been a long time since I posted and I don't want this space to die totally. So I'll talk about my trip to Russia and Amsterdam in the ensuing days plus an interesting blast from the past.

"...It's Been a Long Time"

I've really not been posting in here in a long time and I know no one reads it any longer but I am glad my site is still there. I'd hate to have totally left this little piece of myself. I hope to write more in here soon. I know I've fallen off the planet before but this time, it was a bit deeper than usual.

"A Letter to America"

As a Canadian, Margaret Atwood is in a position to give insight to America that some of us cannot see. In this note, she says a great many things that I have been thinking lately. I have occupied this last month thinking about ecomics, education, and politics and finding myself increasingly dissatisfied with this nation and worried about where were are going. Never before have I been so depressed over our nation.

There is a phrase for when tv series have passed the turning point for when they are going downhill, called "jumping the shark". This phrase finds its namesake in an episode of Happy Days where Fonzie jumped his motorcycle over a tank with a shark in it.

I'm beginning to think America has jumped the shark.

*sniff*

"Wouldn't It Be Great If This Were Real Money?"

Who here hasn't uttered that phrase while playing Monopoly? Seems the nation is one step closer to having real life Monopoly money.

"Won't You Be My Neighbor?"

I see that Mr. Rogers of the beloved children's show, Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, has lost his battle with cancer. I used to love that show as a kid. I wanted a little model town just like the one they use for the opening credits and the traffic light he had in his house. The slowness of his voice and of many of the puppets annoyed me though and now as I look at some of the puppets from the show, they are a little scary looking.

I like the idea of one of his red sweaters hanging in the Smithsonian. Seems to belong there much more than Fonzie's jacket.

Looking over a message board on that irrascible website, Fark.com, I see many people remember fondly the episode where he showed us how crayons were made. I must admit that is one of the few episodes I remember too and it was one of my favorites.

So tell us Mr Rogers, who are the people in your neighborhood now?

"The Truth is Out There...But Doesn't Match My Imagination"

I live in an area with a fairly high degree of foot traffic. Coming home from work yesterday, I see near the corner of my parkpad and the sidewalk, an overturned baby stroller.

Very disturbing.

Why would someone abandon a baby stroller like that? It looked as if mother and baby has just up and disappeared. Maybe they were taken by the Rapture? Maybe the mother was a previous alien abuctee and the baby was a result of some alien breeding program and the mothership came and took them away? Maybe she was running from her estranged husband and he came up in a car and decided to pick up her baby and run?

Whatever the reason, it was a bit disconcerting.

Leaving for work this morning, I see that one wheel looked a bit broken. Ah. She probably just decided to ditch the stroller and carry her baby the rest of the way home. I guess easy answers are more plausible.

But I like mine better.

"WWJDFAKB"

Returning a video game to the rental store, I took a good look at the drive up drop box. I live in a not-so-great area right now (because I hate to commute) and many surfaces get covered in graffiti and stickers. Looking over the usual gangish looking tags and the Stop War and Stop Eating Animals and the various band stickers, I see emblazoned on a sticker, the common slogan, WWJD (What would Jesus Do). Underneath someone had scrawled, "for a Klondike bar".

Ahhh the simple things that make my day...

"From the Unofficial News Dept"

Yesterday, my boss came down to the building where I have been stationed almost a year and we visited a bit. Since this week is almost over and we hadn't received word of our individual places in the new organizational structure, I was pretty curious to know where I stood. At first she teased me, saying "You might not like here you are placed", but she laughed, gave me a big hug, and let me know I was in her new group.

Sweet. That's where I thought I wanted to go anyway. I'll miss my old manager but I suppose we can go out for drinks or something.

When I sat down at my desk, I could still smell the perfume that my boss was wearing. It was clinging to me and it smelled damn good. Not that I have anyone to give it to that would wear it around me, but I wonder what it was? Rarely do I notice perfume that much except to say "Damn, that woman has on too much perfume", but this was definately an alluring smell.

"She Doth Make a Good Point"

I have been rather busy lately working all kinds of crazy long hours and really haven't given much thought to writing in here. Today I received an email from an interesting person I have exchanged a couple of emails with:

"Is your blog going to be stuck on Valentine's Day forever?".

So there ya go Miss B. I updated it a bit.

So what's new in life? Aside from a case of food poisoning last week (trust me: it was evil) and working long hours, nothing much. Went to a barbecue cookoff for some free grub and drink on Saturday thinking I was over the food poisoning and just barely got home in time.

We had a meeting about our reorg and we should know this week in which group we are to be in. This reorg precedes the layoffs though.

Well that is enough for now. Go revel in Miss B's glorious journalistic life as she jets off for press trips and I sit here and read one of my new favorite web pages Defective Yeti.

""

A prelude to, So many Valentine's Day fucks, there they go, the flower delivery trucks.

"I Think I Knocked My Chakras Out of Kilter Sitting on This Floor"

Lately, I have been working hard in my roles at work. Partly because I like to be "the go-to man", partly to be have a few more cards in my direction when the lay-offs come., and partly because I have been in a rut lately. Well today after work, I did something a bit different...

I chanted.


Yep, that's right. I chanted. Indian chants....you know, Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna, hare hare? A friend called me at work and said that a friend had bailed on this Indian thing over at Rice University and that she had an extra ticket. Unfortunately, I get really crappy reception ovedr my cell phone while at work, so I wasn't sure what she said next, something about how this was the basis for goa trance techno music, something something...yadda yadda, etc etc and so on and so forth. Any way, I agreed to go especially since I thought another mutual friend of ours that she does yoga with was going or one of her coworkers. Well neither went and it wasn't a techno rave fest either. It was a bunch of people sitting on pillows on a floor chanting these phrases. I was surprised.

There was a guy leading the chants who everyone was there to see, Krishna Das. At first, the slow mutterings of words I didn't understand made me think of Bruce Springsteen (well he did sound like him and he did grow up in Long Island) and indeed some of the rhythms and tone progressions I could swear I could find in songs of The Boss and other people. For a bit I was thinking more about trying to place the progressions into songs than I was trying to reach my inner self.

But it was really kinda neat. I sat a bit too close to a speaker so when the chants and drums were going, it was very easy to slide everything else out of my brain. The loud speaker saw to that and about halfway into the two and a half hours, I was really getting into it.

Now I am back to earth.

Hi. Again.

"We Are All Made Of Stars"

"I will write soon"

I have been back to working the long shifts and I just haven't really done anything or thought of anything noteworthy lately. I have just been ho-humming it through my days lately. Everyone around me losing jobs, my friends that I normally hang out with have been working killer hours (more than me) trying to stay afloat, worries about my own job.


Been rereading some books, playing round on puter and Xbox. Trying to decide whether I should (or can) pay a scalper some outrageous amount of money for the Coldplay concert tomorrow.

How have you all been?

"Sad but..."

I got addicted to the show "Trading Spaces" when I visited my family up in Oklahoma. It is based on some British show (seems alot of shows in the US are copies of UK TV) and appeals to that side of me that used to watch "This Old House" and get excited about "ambient baseboard heating."

Anyway....




take the which one of the trading spaces cast are you? quiz!